The Curious Case of Home: Why Do People Stay or Leave Where They Grew Up - Part 2

In Kenya, we always have a place to visit my ‘In-Loves‘ in the western region. They have had their village homestead for decades adding new crops of tea, banana, and where they have a small working farm. It’s thperfect place to spend our twilight ye the land for a personalized hold over e of comfort where the locals all know the family. My In-Loves continue to show love and hospitality to us every time we visit.  We’ve held major soccer tournaments with goalies and players being scouted.  

My family, including my 'in-loves,' on a visit to Wamage Village in Western Kenya

But what might this mean for community-building?

In a place where everyone knows you, relationships come with history—both comforting and constraining. Reputations precede you, support is automatic, but change can be slow. And when my father-in-love passed, the whole community came to the funeral, at least that's what it looked like from the drone views.  The community held a soccer match in his name, the Manasseh Cup.  Strong communities don’t just happen overnight.  It takes time to grow into something beautiful.

As transplants from another city, we came to the west side of Cincinnati as a blank slate, free to redefine ourselves, yet working harder to earn trust. Newcomers bring fresh ideas, but integration takes time.  Someone put it this way, “I know the pain of not being Catholic and living on the Westside.” As a community builder at heart, I absolutely love seeing all communities with, positive affiliations and missions, flourish.

Working at Starfire as a senior community builder opened my eyes to how much our society is socially isolated and fragmented. I spent years flexing my community engagement muscle. I was encouraged to prototype designs for how community projects might look, failing fast and learning from missteps, and learning how to support others in their own neighborhoods or their communities of interest. the support was person centered and not systems centered. We spent a lot of time figuring out how the person wanted to show up in their community that would also be valuable to neighbors and other ordinary shiny neighbors. I still find myself being a part of Starfire’s Curiosities community that meet once a month, as a sort of "brain balm" (thanks Pam Whitely for this term) to the service delivery diaspora most of the partipcants are entrenched in.

Starfire recently powered an annual community event I co-hosted in my neighborhood along with Community Matters, a place-based organization with resident-led projects. This year's Brunch & Art continued to empower neighbors so they could sell their wares, cook side dishes and desserts, and serve the meals. We were able to include an after party this year, as well.  Fellow collective founder and artist, Kachelle Davis, and Alicia Hildebrand, Julia Bean and I were at the planning table with Jenna Hippensteel from Community Matters. We teased out what kind of event we wanted to have and how our neighbors would be a main part of the event. Having worked in the human services field for over 25 years, I know that the term, “inclusive” conjures up different things for different people. So, allow me to clarify.  The event intentionally and authentically included a person with an intellectual/developmental disability at every aspect of the event from conceptualizing, planning, and implementing. The person had a prominient and valued social roles as community leader, artist, and co-founder of the collective. 

The day was beautiful. It brought people from all socio-economic and cultural backgrounds together for one purpose: celebrate community by doing fun and artful things together and to celebrate the collective for another year.  That day reinforced in the minds of people in the community that everyone has a place and that everyone belongs.

Co-Founder of the Artists Collective, Kachelle, signs her t-shirt for a customer.

This event showcased my belief in curating welcoming, inviting, and hospitable places where everyone is on the same playing field and where we can introduce our neighbors to one another. This makes space for a larger and woven community where people no longer fear who they don’t know because the barriers came down across several points of connection.   Neighbors were side by side preparing and cooking food, serving meals and healthy fare, showcasing their wares, pouring fresh roasted Ethiopian coffee, leading art projects, and walking alongside them on a tour of a local business.  It was an authentic sense of belonging without any labels to define or otherize people.

Dianne McIntyre's modern dance choreography

According to world renowned modern dance choreographer, Dianne McIntyre, “What we know home to mean may change over the course of our lives, especially if most of our formidable years took shape when we left our home of origin.” Although she is from Cleveland, Ohio, Dianne lived most of her professional years in New York City. “I can’t recall when I was growing up whether I knew I would stay or leave.

When it comes to community building, we find new friends and acquaintences by exploring our interests, skills, hobbies, and talents.  That’s why I believe it's best to learn and cultivate what you are truly passionate about and what your interests are.  Then find your community around those things.  You will find “your people,” and “your people” will find you.

Questions for Discussion:  

1. Can a person truly belong to more than one place? How do we carry our roots with us when we leave?  

2. What responsibilities do established communities have toward newcomers, and vice versa?